Funny story

[CDNRunaways Fan]

An unmarried woman, 8 months pregnant, has an appointment with her gynecologist. Afterwards, he asks what she plans to call her baby, which is a girl.

"Samantha" she answers. "I have 6 daughters already and they are all named Samantha".

Perplexed, he asks, "But what happens when you are going in the car?".

"Simple", she says. "I just say, "Samantha, lets go", and they all come running".


"Well, what happens when you want to call them for dinner?", he asks.

"I just say, "Samantha, dinner", and they all come running", she exclaims.


"But what happens" he next asks, "when you want to talk to only one of them?"

"No problem there", she answers, "I just call her by her last name!!"

[statstar]

A young woman in Cheboygan was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Straits. She went to the Mackinaw Bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome
young sailor saw her tottering on the rail, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
"I get food and a trip to Europe , and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Mackinaw Island Ferry."

[ellanoize]

Riddles

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.

The first is full of raging fires,
the second is full of assassins with loaded guns,
and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.

Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

Answers:

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take! them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal.

5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

6. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

[cherrysmum]

darn I figured out all the answers except the charcoal...

[ellanoize]

Darn, You did a lot better than me,I had to cheat several times.
I guess I'm just a cheater

[cherrysmum]

If you cheated...then you should have gotten them all correct..how did I do better than you..unless you cheated and missed some..which if you did..I forgot where I was going with this...hummmm..sigh....

[ellanoize]

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

[Lefty]

LOL! Found it!

There was this good joke about a gorilla (I'm a sucker for jokes involving simians) in a zoo, and this gorilla was pretty popular with the audience. Apparently it did some tricks, or flung poo at people, or whatever gorillas do to get popular. I'll call him... Buster. Buster the happy gorilla. Alas, one day, Buster dies peacefuly while watching his favorite movie: King Kong.

That same week a street performer - we'll call that one Billy - arrives at the zoo and tries to entertain the crowds by doing some mime. A zoo keeper sees him and pulls the mime into his office. Billy starts apologizing for doing his show in the zoo, but the keeper says it's not that he pulled him into his office for. And he proceeds to tell the story about the popular monkey that kicked the bucket earlier in the week. And he offers Billy a job: to put on a costume and act like Buster. For you see, Buster was a very popular attraction, and the zoo keeper is afraid his demise will lead to a drop in visitors.

Billy discovers he really likes his gig. He can fall asleep most of the time, without getting in trouble, he gets ten free bananas a day (the extra bananas he has to pay for afterwards) and he gets benifits. And he can take a dump wherever. Isn't that everyone's fantasy? Okay, maybe it's just me. Anyway...

Billy notices the lion next door's getting more attention than him, so he decides he can draw a crowd by jumping onto the lion's cage, and making faces at the lion. Well, the crowd just loves it. Billy swings around on the top bars of the cage, making the lion furious. It growls and paws at him, but Billy's safely out of reach. Satisfied, the 'gorilla' returns to his own cage. Billy does the same thing every day from that day on. And the lion roars harder each day, getting obviously more frustrated, but the audience simply eats it up.

Then one day, while Billy's doing his "tease the lion" act he slips, and in front of a shocked audience he falls inside the cage. Terrified, he looks at the lion that advances on him. It looks like the lion's in a pretty bad mood and Billy just knows he's not going to survive this. As the lion takes on an attack-position, Billy jumps up on his legs and runs away. The lion follows him in circles around the cage as Billy shouts: "help me! Someone get me out of here!" Then the lion jumps on top of him, pins him to the ground and whispers: "Quiet, you fool. You wanna get us both fired?"

[cherrysmum]

Oh..these are good...real good ROTFLMAO

[Lefty]

The following story is NOT a joke, which makes it really funny (it's set in the UK, BTW):

A parrot has been put in isolation and made to listen to Radio 4 after swearing repeatedly at distinguished visitors.
Barney, a five-year-old Macaw, turned the air blue when a civic party toured the Warwickshire Animal Sanctuary, Nuneaton.
He told the mayor to: "F*** off," before turning to a woman vicar and saying: "You can f*** off too", reports the Guardian.
Sanctuary owner, Geoff Grewcock, said: "To their credit they didn't take offence and laughed it off - and luckily so did two policemen who were told: "And you can f*** off, you w***ers."
The parrot is thought to have learnt its repertoire from its former owner - a retired truck driver - who emigrated to Spain three years ago, and by watching late night TV.
Mr Grewcock is now attempting a cultural reversal by keeping Barney alone in a special cage listening to Radio 4.
"It isn't really working yet but he is a very funny parrot, with a lot of character, and he does say thank you whenever you give him a treat."

Source: Ananova News

<font color="#000000" size="1">[ August 04, 2005 06:44 AM: Message edited by: Lefty ]</font>